Three weeks is all it’s been. No more, no less. I’ve spent my time trying to distract my mind from the inevitable. This familiar feeling in my chest seems so alien. I’ve felt this before, yet I have no idea how to deal with it now. Every breath is a struggle as I try to remain calm. Racing heartbeats and nagging thoughts are my only companion and yet, I’m still empty… I find comfort in this old movie. It seems as though it’s the only place I can find you these days. Between the three lives on the screen is the one staring back at me through the darkness. You once told me you believed it wasn’t three different lives, but instead three different stages of one life. I hold onto that thought. More than I’d like to admit sometimes. It’s easier to believe I’m in between stages with you, than to accept the fact we’re not really in this movie altogether.

Where you are in your life is a complete mystery to me. I could tell you endless stories of everything I’ve done, the people I’ve met, and the times I’ve wished you were with me. But God, I want so much more so to hear your endless stories. And maybe, just maybe, the times you wished you were with me. A fool’s idea, but such an amazing one to believe in. I’ve never doubted myself when it came to how I felt about you and only recently have I begun to question where I’d be if I did. I regret the decisions I’ve made constantly, yet I’m grateful for the way those decisions, however imprudent, have shaped me into the person I am today. The boy you left, speaks volumes to the man that waits for you, ensuring he understands what he’s lost. And he’ll —I’ll—continue to wait, with racing heartbeats and nagging thoughts as my only companion. Empty.