God, what reason is there for this to be so hard to forget? You’ve torn me limb from limb. You’ve destroyed me in ways I couldn’t have even begun to imagine. I’ve been embarrassed and disrespected in front of people I thought would never know our truth. My heart and my soul are exhausted and I’m finding it hard to to keep my head above water. In this world and in this Love, I’m drowning. The one thing on my mind is this question I keep asking myself…Why?

If there is one thing I’m consistently good at, it’s finding the good in the terrible. I’ve found strength I didn’t know I had, Love where I thought it would surely run out. My heart is stronger than I could’ve ever imagined. You’ve shown me that. Even in the darkness and destruction my heart continues to beat. Pulsing the ash away with every breath and resurfacing, bruised, but with a vigor. A vigor and a Love only tragedy could reveal. The tragedy was you… Why?

You’ve made it impossible to find the closure my heart so desperately desires. My problem is this: I’d use the broken pieces of my soul to repair yours. I can only hope, for the sake of my sanity, this has destroyed you as much as it has me. The state of your heart was once, just as important to me as the state of my own. And to be honest, more so… I find myself questioning why I continue to let my heart care so deeply. Why I don’t let this turn me cold, let it change me. I believe in this fantastical idea of what real Love should be and yet every time I believe I have found it, it unravels before me. Why?

This has been a test of my sanity, of my mental fortitude, my very concept of being. Yet, I remain steadfast in my conviction. This may have been the worst I’ve ever experienced, but I will not allow it to dictate my life any further than it already has. I will move on. Time will heal this wound. I will find the Love I so helplessly crave. I will continue to Love with a Love that is more than Love, with or without my Annabel Lee. You are but a detour on my journey, and despite my wanting to continue down this road, I must turn back. I’ve learned there is nothing for me here, a lesson you’ve taught me through inaction and indifference. Weakness is your strong suit; strength and perseverance my downfall. Even with this realization, I’d give you more… Why?