There’s a man standing in the corner of my room. He’s screaming at me to get out. Darkness scrapes at his silhouette as his mouth splits at the seams. I close my eyes and pretend I cannot hear him. I can’t hear him I repeat. I repeat it over and over, gaining volume with every breath. By now I’m so loud the neighbors are probably contemplating calling the police.

“Who can’t you hear?” I’m startled by the touch of my love in the dark. I look around and there’s no screaming man, there’s no silhouette in the dark.

“Nobody, I’m just being weird.” I lie, so she won’t think I’m crazy. A man who fights with voices in his head must be a loon. Even if the voices speak his truth. Truth unknown and unwanted, is as good as madness in the mind. It crawls towards mouths and ears to be discovered. My mouth and my ears listen all too closely to the voices in my head. Repeating things like “Get out.”, or “Who’s that?”, or the ever so popular “What if?”. I drift closer into unconsciousness and succumb to the darkness as her breath lulls me to sleep.

The sun peeks through our window and shows red through my eyelids. Another day with the man in my room. My morning routine used to be interrupted by the screams, now they are only a humble buzz in the confines of my psyche. I brush and floss my teeth vigorously. I clench my teeth as I drown out the never-ending screech he makes with mouthwash and cotton swabs. She walks up behind placing her lips on my neck. For a moment, there is silence. I go on to make our breakfast as the kids run wild through the kitchen. A normal day by any definition.

“GET OUT!” He screams. My blood turns to needles as my wife kisses me on the cheek and walks out the door with the kids. His voice was louder this time. I’m slamming drawers shut and running water to dull the sound. Every time I think of her leaving, he shouts louder. The darkness pulls away from the man in the corner of my room. He’s almost visible and his features are becoming more pronounced. I walk past pictures in the hall way. All of them windows, into the pure joy and love inside of my heart. I stare at myself in the picture holding my wife so closely and I can almost hear the man screaming through my eyes. I can remember how loud the screams were back then. I could barely bring myself to take these pictures because of it. Her smile though, and those eyes that begged me. She always had a way to dull the pain, she always said the right things and there were those eyes that begged me.

Sometimes, it was as if she could hear him too. Impossible, I know, she’d think I was insane if she could… A phone call rings out and his voice seems to resonate with it. Reverberating through my body, he screams every possible scenario that could be awaiting me on the other end of the line. I answer my wife’s call and agree to meet her for lunch. I’d spent so much time in my mind I hadn’t realized the passage of it in reality. We always meet up for lunch and I was falling behind in my reminiscence. I snuff the noise into a hum and carry on. I pull up to her work and even the man in the corner can’t deny her beauty. She walks on air and shines like moonlight. As she gets into my truck I ask her the same question I ask every time: “Where would you like to eat?”

“I was thinking of trying something new.” she responds. I can hardly hear her over the screams now.

“What’d you have in mind?” I ask. I knew full well, no matter where it was, the man in the corner would turn it into hell. I prepare myself for her answer by first silencing the noise. Her scrunching face and pursing lips as she deliberates our lunch lightens my heart and the darkness retreats from the man in the corner and I can see him. His eyes are brown and his face is mine.

“How about that build your own pizza place?” I’m ripped away from my room and I can see it on her face as she asks. Could she tell I wasn’t all there? Regardless, she awaits my response with that perfect smile and those eyes, the ones that begged me.

“That sounds great, darling.” The idea of a new place with that amount of interaction has me wanting to scream right along with the man in my room. She chuckles and places her hand on mine and the silence follows us the whole way there. Pulling into the parking lot, my breathing gets deeper as my focus switches from her to the man again. I sit in my seat breathing and telling myself I can’t hear him. I can’t hear him. I can’t hear him.

“You don’t have to listen to him, you know that right?” I gasp at her question.

“What?” I respond.

“The voice in your head. I know you don’t feel comfortable in situations like this and that voice in your head only makes things worse. You don’t have to listen to it.” I’m dumbfounded by the words pouring like water onto fire from her mouth. “I’ve loved you for years. You didn’t honestly believe I had no idea when you were fighting with yourself, did you?” I feel every emotion getting trapped in my throat like the leaves trapped in a gutter as she asks that question. I’m struggling to form a coherent sentence.

“I’m…I’m sorry for…”

“Don’t,” she interrupts. “Don’t you apologize to me. I have, and always will, love you no matter what. But, that man in there, he’s hurting you, and I can’t keep letting it happen.”

“What do I do then? He never stops screaming at me. The only time he’s silent is…is when I think about you. Even then, sometimes he’s still there.”

“Then you think about me. When he’s still there, you grab my hand and you hold it. We’ll silence him together.” Her response fills me with emotion. The tears are welling in my eyes and I’m ready to lose it. She chuckles and whispers, “He’s getting in the way of our pizza, babe. We can’t have that.”

“I know.” I laugh. She knew just what to say and when to say it. And this whole time I hadn’t even realized, the silence. The deafening silence, caused by the man in the corners absence. I look over at my beautiful wife, my moon, and she has that smile. And she has those eyes. Those eyes that begged me.