My life is a bit in shambles right now. I’ve spent the last few weeks in a state of anxiety, nausea, and depression. Between work and my home life, I’ve had little to no time to do the things which make me happy. Here’s one thing that does… 

I find solace in a fold up chair posted at the top of a large embankment. The sound of wind whipping past my ears drowns out the sound of my doubt. Crashing waves rhythmically dim my senses and all that’s left is a deep tranquility in my soul. I stare across the water hoping to catch the reflection of someone across the lake. Someone who might just be doing the same as me. Looking for relief in the deafening silence of the water and wind. Someone to prove I’m not alone in this feeling. Sadly, there is no one. Only me in the darkness of my life. A spray of water kisses my face and I know it’s only me here to feel it. I’m thinking of how things used to be. How my life was filled with the rays of the sun and my heart was filled with love. Perhaps, there’s a lesson to learn in the waves. They never seem to care about what’s creating them or of any obstacles they encounter. The wind pushes and the water follows. The water simply and effortlessly flows around unhindered and unpersuaded. Though, were the wind to stop pushing, the water would continue to move and crash upon the shore. Only after some time had passed would the water calm and still. The effects of the wind are lasting, but they are not permanent. Like the water, I too feel the effects of the wind in my life. Am I reacting to the push? Or has the wind subsided and I am merely waiting for the calm.

Water mists my cheek. I’m reminded of the sheer power of the wind. The ground I sit on, though solid, seems to move and react with the fluidity of the lake before me. I’m reeling between the waves both safe yet unsure. Should my foundation give way, I’ll find myself in the cold darkness of the depths. I wonder. Do I fight for air? Grasping and thrashing in an attempt to reach the surface. Pleading with my heart and body to save my life. Or do I close my eyes and allow the calm of the deep to consume me? The tide closes in and I can hear the faint sound of water rushing past my feet. I flinch. Where are my shoes? I know I wore them here. The stars illuminate what little ground I can see and there they are. Sitting right next to my chair, my shoes. They offer protection, yet I hesitate to put them on. The water is cold across my toes. The cool runs up my legs and to my spine. I think for a second and push my feet further into the water. The water chills my body and arouses my senses. It feels so good once you get used to it. I stand from my chair, kick my shoes away and take another step into the water. The wind crashes a wave across my knees. I can feel the goosebumps raising across my body. I stay a second and acclimate to the cold. A step, and then another. My waist burns with the icy water raising and lowering past my belly button. I’m beggining to regret walking out this far. Maybe I should turn back. I move backwards a step and the wind scrapes at my wet stomach. I move back into the water. Deeper this time. The waves are capping at my nipples and my breath is ripped from my chest. Water splashes my face and I can taste the lake. Nothing. It tastes like nothing. My feet have gone numb and my legs quiver in the cold. The wind plays with the water, stinging and soothing with every wave. A step deeper. I’m using my arms to keep me steady now. A strong gust and I’ll be under, slowly sinking into the dark. Into the water that tastes like nothing. I take a final look across the water before I step further. Darkness. A long sea of emptiness, save one small light. Nothing more than the sparkle of a smoldering ember. I stare for a moment. This wasn’t there before. The glow brightens and twinkles illuminating the face of a young woman. She exhales a cloud of smoke and fades into a small orange light. She must be just enjoying the night… The ember intensifies again revealing her stoic face and a spray of water kisses her face.